I took the weekend off from working out. Instead I made sure I stayed on top of housework. I didnt drink any alcohol.
I knew that my eating over the weekend was going to set me back, but if I at least continued to drink water, and stay active cleaning my house, I wouldnt feel as bad.
Today, instead of driving to a meeting I had, I walked. I let Xoey ride her bike. It felt good, except it never feels like exercise when Im carrying my purse!
This afternoon a good friend "H" messages me and asks if I am doing Insanity this afternoon, OF COURSE! I have someone willing to come to my house and workout.
Today, we suffered through Pure Cardio. This is by far the toughest workouts on the insanity DVDs. If any of you have experienced this workout you will know why I threw up in my mouth 3 times and had to walk away a couple more.
But I succeeded. Having "H" there to support me and motivate me definitely helped. If I saw her keep going, I did too! If she stopped or slowed down, I barked some words to her. I am not sure what I said or what sounds I made because all I could hear was my heavy breathing and my heartbeat.
Of course I slipped a few times in my own sweat. GROSS. I know. But I had to add that in there. I LOVE to sweat! I always feel like Im working so much harder!
"H" and I decided that we would go running in the morning before she has to work. This works out great because the time will be before my day actually gets started and before it gets too hot outside. (I know its January folks, what can I say....Florida didnt get the memo.)
There is this strong sense of accomplishment in todays workout. I dont know if it just feels great to workout after taking the weekend off or having that companion to work out...by my side. It just felt good.
My husband got home AFTER we did the workout, so he decided to do his own workout this afternoon...I'm a little disappointed in him, but hey...its his decision.
We are going on a walk together. Hopefully that will be nice.
Now, aside from the working out, I decided to write this blog to kind of vent whats going on in my head.
There are very FEW people in my life who can affect me emotionally and mentally. When I say VERY FEW I literally mean....maybe 3.
Those 3 people can say things to me and turn my entire world upside down. They can say things and make me feel completely useless.
Its those 3 people that can ruin everything I am. Everything I have become. and everything I worked so hard for.
I cant seem to shake the things they say to me or to others, I cant let go of how they made me feel. I actually have multiple panic attacks in reference to those 3 people everytime it happens.
You are probably wondering "why dont you just get rid of those people"
I cant!! Those 3 people are the most important people in my life.
I think that may be the cause of those hard feelings.
I look at my life and who I am now. As I mentioned on Facebook, no one is perfect ...but there are certain people who intentionally point out those flaws.
Did I think when I was a little girl or a young woman graduating from high school that I would be a stay at home mom/student, did I think I would get married then divorced then married? Did I think I would be a step mom? Did I think I would hurt so many people? Did I know where I would be in 10 years?
All of these paths I have chosen in my life were just MY DECISIONS. I suffer enough from stupid decisions everyday. I suffer from wanting to be something more and want more from those around me.
I want to be loved. I want to be noticed. I want to be appreciated.
I dont know how to get those things anymore. I dont know how to speak exactly what I feel and I dont know how to get those "3" people to UNDERSTAND ME!
Im hurting a lot inside. And I dont know how to fix it..but for now, I will fix it through work outs. and schooling.
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